


Letters to Marco

by jeanmarcos



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2014-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-11 17:16:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1175724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeanmarcos/pseuds/jeanmarcos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Um it's basically Jean's letters to Marco after he dies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters to Marco

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SO SORRY   
>  this is not very good but i wrote it a few months ago and decided i needed to post something on here okay

Marco,  
  Uh… Hey there. Everyone misses you, you know. Sometimes I’ll hear another member of the Corps bring up some of the soldiers who’ve died, talking to the rookies, and they always talk about you. They say they miss you and your enthusiasm, but you were one of the most willing to die. They miss you. We all miss you. I miss you.   
Jean   
  
Marco,  
  I have your stuff. I have your letters and clothes, I have your smell and I have your face burned into the back of my brain. Your family said it was alright that I kept those things, because they had their memories and letters you sent to them. But, to be honest, none of that is good enough for me. Not the letters, not the clothes, not the memories, not any of that because it’s yours but it’s not you. I need you. You don’t know how hard this is for me.   
Jean   
  
Marco,   
 It’s been pretty damn close to a year since I identified your body. God, that hurt. You were so broken and you barely looked like you, but I would recognize you anywhere, no matter what. Why did you have to die? I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you so much and it hurts so bad.  
Jean  
  
Marco,  
  Are you with Petra and all of them? You probably are, actually. That was a dumb question. ‘No it isn’t. You’ll never really know what happens until you’re in the situation, Jean.’ You would have said. I would have shaken my head, and you would have let a small smile sneak onto your lips and you would look at me and I would smile back and we would just enjoy being us. I miss things like that.   
Jean   
  
Hey Marco, I’m kind of drunk right now. Drinking stops it from hurting so bad. But I just remembered that I want to tell you a story, okay?   
 There was this one time, it was about 3 in the morning, we were still trainees, and everyone else in the dorm was asleep. We had a lantern lit and piled up blankets as a barrier from the world, it was just you and me. I was laying with my head in your lap with my eyes closed and you were holding one of my hands and playing with my hair with the other. I could feel your breath as you talked quietly and slowly and oh my god I’m crying now I miss you Marco I miss you so much please come back to me…. Please.   
Jean  
   
 Marco,  
Did you know that you’re actually the reason I joined the Survey Corps?   
Also, did you know that everyone’s said at least once when they thought I couldn’t hear them that you died to save me and that it was my fault that you're dead. I think they don’t realize that I hear every fucking word they are saying and it hurts knowing that I probably am the reason for your death. I’m sorry. That’s why I joined the Survey Corps, because if you lost your life for me, the least I can do is to risk my life in honor of you. I love you.   
Jean  
  
Marco,  
I stopped drinking as much. I guess I was kind of a mess for a while there, and no one had thought to tell me until Armin did a few weeks ago.  I visit your grave every once in a while... 'Once in a while' is an understatement. I go see you every day that we’re not on a mission. Hanji says that how much I talk to you and visit you is unhealthy. She says I need to let go, but she doesn’t understand that I can’t. I have tried, Marco. You have to believe me because I have tried and tried and I cannot forget you and I cannot stop loving you and I cannot just drop you like that.   
Your Jean   
  
Marco,  
Yesterday when I went and saw you, I swear I heard your laugh when I told a stupid joke. I’m going crazy. That was all I could think. And then when I leaned against your name on your headstone and tried to stop crying I felt your hand on my cheek, I know I did. You wiped my tears like you would have done if you were alive.   
Jean   
  
Marco,   
it’s been a year and a half, so why does it still hurt so bad? When will it stop hurting? Because I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I sleep in your clothes and Eren says that’s weird, but I told him to piss off. I want to have good dreams about you again. All I dream about now is fighting Titans, getting killed by Titans, or seeing you dead again. I still remember it like it happened two minutes ago. When I do dream about you, I think I end up crying in my sleep because Armin wakes me up and distracts me for a while by talking to me, no matter how tired he is. He’s a good person.  He really is.  
I wish I didn’t take our last kiss for granted.  I am so stupid and I am so hurt and I miss you so much.   
Jean


End file.
